Another Day
by AlwaysInSonder
Summary: Her half of the sink is now sparse, but her toothbrush is still there right next to his. He couldn't bring himself to throw it away. [One-shot]


**BEEP BEEP BEEP BEE-**

Nick slapped the alarm and sighed heavily. An arm instinctively reached over to the other end of the bed - but of course, there was nothing to be met with but cold, undisturbed sheets. His eyes cracked open wearily to stare over at the pillow next to him. It has become a routine that he could not shake off. He was almost afraid to.

He knew that he will never see those black-tipped ears flopped over his eyes or a small warm body cuddled to his side. His body didn't seem to know that. He lifted himself tiredly and rubbed his eyes. His vision was getting from bad to worse. With a sigh, his his paw grasped at his bedside only to find it empty. His wife would be the one to leave his glasses there that he refused to wear by his bedside. He'd have to hunt for them later.

Her half of the sink is now sparse, but her toothbrush is still there right next to his. He couldn't bring himself to throw it away.

In the kitchen, there was no steaming plate of breakfast waiting for him. He glumly fills the kettle, checking himself as he put back the extra mug he brought out from the cupboards.

The drive to work is quiet - it isn't filled with her steady chatter, ready for another day at her dream job. He reaches for the radio, but then hesitates and drops his paw.

When he enters the building, he isn't met with a chorus of greetings. Whispers flitted about him and the usual morning din noticeably dips as he pads over to the lift to his office.

"…Chief?"

Nick steels himself and turns to the voice. Clawhauser is there, his eyes red but his gaze carefully averted. He clears his throat and awkwardly hands him a few important documents. Nick mumbles a thank you and steps into the quiet, private sanctuary of aluminium doors.

When the doors close, he sighs heavily, clutching his paws tight. He takes several deep breaths and as his floor approaches, he straightens himself up and erases all emotion from his face.

"Mornin' Chief."

He nods to his secretary and closes the door behind him. Methodically, he pulls out his keys, his paperwork and his phone and sets them on his desk. His eyes carefully avoid the pictures on his desk. As the hours go by, he finds them more and more turned away from him.

By lunchtime, his daughter calls. Her gentle, cheerful voice always music to his ears, but remind him so much of her that he ends it prematurely; promising his youngest that he will definitely call back and that yes, he will eat a full meal sometime soon. He ignores the painful strain in his chest as his eyes flit over to an old picture of a beautiful, tired bunny cradling a small, bundled kit in her paws.

* * *

"Does it get better?"

Marian looks up at him startled, unsure of what to say to her cub. He was hardly a cub, of course. Both of them qualified for the seniors' subway pass. His fur had begun to dull – no longer the brilliant red coat that he'd inherited from his father. His eyes were no longer the clear, bright forest greens – usually sparkling with mischief and ready to break a heart with a wink. No; they were foggy, dead and soulless. It still startled her how much he resembled her husband.

Her own heart ached and she slowly reached out to squeeze one of his paws.

"It does honey, I promise. But I'd be lying to you if I told you it will be easy."

Nick looked away from his mother and out the window of the cafe. It is noon in Central Zootopia. Mammals of all shapes and sizes milled around, going about their day.

"You might reach out to her side of the bed and wonder why the sheets are so cold…make two cups of coffee in the morning… wonder why the laundry basket isn't as full as it usually is…"

Her eyes tear up and she sniffles quietly, reaching for a handkerchief to dab her eyes quickly.

"But you'll adjust, you'll cope and you'll adapt; as you always do Nick."

Nick's eyes were glazed over, but he blinked and they were clear again. He refused to allow his fur to have tear streaks. He had a meeting with the new commissioner for international affairs and was not about to receive any more looks of pity.

"She had a good life, Nicky. You have to remember that. She was happy, dearly loved and was surrounded by good friends and family."

Nick swallowed hard and took a stiff sip of his extremely dark and bitter coffee. No sugar. Not since his wife had pestered him to mind his blood glucose levels.

"And she had you. No mammal loved and cherished her as much as you did."

Nick had to admit, their life together had been an adventure. Twenty-three years of a blissful, never-ending adventure. It hadn't ever been a smooth road - hardly. From their engagement, to their marriage, the agonising adoption process for their son, the birth of their daughter; it went on. But he loved and treasured every single memory – good and bad. Except, of course, for one.

 _He came out into the lobby, feeling as though the world was nothing but an illusion. There was a gaping emptiness in his chest and an unbearable lump in his throat. His mind was too honed in on the warmth of her final breath that still clung to the fur of his chest. So much so, he barely heard the sniffles of his kits; the pair huddled together in the plastic chairs outside the wards._

 _He gulped hard and turned to them, steeling himself. For several moments, Nick focused his gaze on the cold, hard tiles of the hospital floor. He couldn't face his children now, probably not ever. They were hardly tiny kits anymore – not even close. His son no longer clung to his mother's arm begging to be carried. Instead, he towered over him now and could lift both his mother and sister together with ease. His daughter no longer hopped about by his knees holding his paw, but had grown into the beautiful, athletic bunny her mother was._

 _He anticipated questions, but when he finally allowed his tired, bloodshot eyes to rest on his precious children, did he see that they had their paws outstretched. For a split second, Nick saw a little three-year-old bunny and a seven-year-old cub. Not the twenty-three and twenty-seven-year-old adult mammals they were. He stepped into their embrace and held his family tight to his chest - his daughter sobbing to his chest and calling him "Daddy" for the first time in twelve years._

* * *

His son calls him in the evening. It seems he'd picked up the role of checking whether he had dinner now.

Nick sets down his pen to loosen his tie. He leans back into the pleather chair and stretches his arms, wincing as his joints cracked. Robin chuckles in his ear.

"Well old man, should I tell Dr Fawn to add calcium tablets to your prescriptions?"

He had to crack a smile at that and he allows himself to reach for the picture of his son. He is ten years old in the picture, looking smart in his freshly pressed Junior Ranger Scout uniform, a beaming bunny stood next to him and Nick quickly averted his gaze away.

"Rascal."

"Learnt from the best."

* * *

His secretary hastily buzzes in to tell him that he has a visitor and he stops his paperwork to welcome him. He enters unceremoniously as he always does.

"Wilde."

"Savage."

He pulled off his glasses and gestured to the seat before him.

"What can I help you with?"

The hare looks at him sardonically, as he usually would before Nick had married Judy. But he spotted the tell-tale look of sombreness and empathy in the lapin's eyes. Nick appreciates his gesture of trying to keep to their routine, nonetheless.

"Not so much help needed, old friend. But…I came to give you this."

He hands Nick a sealed manila envelope. His name written on it in a neat script that Nick would recognise from a mile away. His breath hitches.

"I'd recommend reading it in private, Wilde."

There was an awkward and heavy silence between the two of them as Nick stares down at the envelope. He wants to rip it open right now but takes a deep breath and stands.

"Thanks… Jack."

The lapin's blue eyes widen in surprise and Nick now notices the faint redness in them. Time and their jobs had taken a toll on them both and Nick notices that even the notoriously suave hare was at the mercy of old age. The sharply suited hare clears his throat and nods, standing up to shake his paw. It lingers for a bit and Nick glances down to him.

"I'm not entirely sure about what to say in situations like these… but I'm sure you know she was my first love. I only let her go when I realized how much she adored you and how you would do anything for her. I'm glad that we managed to have a solid friendship through the years. Judy's a treasure and you truly are the luckiest mammal. I've woken up the past few days feeling like shit. I can't even imagine what you're going through."

Nick gulps hard, but squeezes his paw gratefully before releasing it. Even after she's gone, her ability to bring mammals together thrives.

Jack later sends over a decanter of the finest whisky with a note promising that he always had a drinking buddy in him.

* * *

Nick almost goes through a third of the liquid fire before he shakily rips the edge of the envelope with a claw.

 _Hey Slick,_

 _I'm writing this letter on our fifteenth anniversary. In case you read this much later and forgot what happened, you brought me to the Palm Tree Hotel in Sahara Square. It was really thoughtful and sweet of you and I enjoyed being pampered - but I have to say, the highlight of the night had to be the handsome fox who waited on me paw and foot. But I'm his wife, so I'm biased._

 _You look adorable when you sleep by the way, just thought you should know._

 _If you're reading this, something has happened to me. I want you to know that whatever happened, there was nothing you did or didn't do that made it happen. It's not your fault, Nick._

 _I don't really know how to write these things - but Nick, I love you. It might seem a little silly and maybe even cheesy for me to write a letter to my wonderful husband who is right next to me, but I thought you should know that._

His eyes blur at this point and he rubs them clear beneath his glasses, cursing himself.

 _Thea and Robin need their daddy. No matter how big they are, they will always need you. Noah above knows how many times I've called my dad to whine. You'll stay strong for them, won't you my love?_

 _Please tell our babies that I love them very, very much. Tell Thea to go pursue her dreams of becoming a mammal rights lawyer; but also to eat her vegetables. Tell Robin that it's okay for him to take a break from college to start his business; but also to stop living on those energy drinks. Promise me you'll tell them that you'll always be there for them, no matter what. I know you definitely will be, but it's important for them to hear that. Give both of them all the nuzzles and kisses for me._

 _Do you remember how we met? I still smile thinking about it. To think that if you hadn't evaded taxes for twenty years, we wouldn't be married for fifteen. Every single day, I wake up feeling grateful. Grateful for you, our kits, our wonderful life together._

 _Please don't be sad if I'm gone. You, of all mammals I know, will get through this; you did survive fifteen years of marriage with me after all. You are my best friend, my sweetheart, my everything._

 _We'll see each other again someday, I know. Till that day, I wish you and our kits a life full of love and happiness._

 _All my love,_

 _Your Dumb Bunny_

* * *

When the alarm screeches the next day and Nick silences it, he does reach out to her side of the bed. But feeling none, he reaches further out and grasps the cool metal of the picture frame he had kept face down for the past few days on her bedside table.

He still remembers the first day Judy placed the flowery frame there. Nick had mocked her for it then saying it was far too gaudy. It had silver flowers and little bunny and fox angels around it. But it was a gift from her family members and of course Judy adored it. She had placed her favourite picture in it (well, favourite before they had their kits).

He brings himself to look at it and his eyes finally rests on her. She is in a fox's arms; Nick almost doesn't recognise him with how happy he looks. She looks radiant, her eyes full of mirth and very much full of love. She's in a beautiful cream gown with a ring of orange blossoms on her head. Nick could almost smell them – the sweet, citrus scent mingling with the natural sweet musk of his bunny.

The pain lingers in his chest, but this time, he doesn't fight it. He allows the tears to flow.

He kisses the picture, sets it upright on his bedside table and readies for another day.

* * *

 **A/N: Muse: Write a fic about Nick grieving.**  
 **Me: Why?! I'd rather write fluf-**  
 **Muse: You gotta.**

 **I hope you've enjoyed this little fic! I'm currently working on what is possibly the last installment on IWSIIL. Nothing is set in stone though as I'm only halfway into writing it but I do know I want to take my time with this one.**

 **As for how Judy died, I do have an idea but I realised that it doesn't really matter to mention it explicitly as the focus is on Nick and his grieving. You are more than welcome to theorise though.**

 **Please do tell me your thoughts! ❤**


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